


Fey

by A_Song_to_Say_Goodbye



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Green has seriously low self-esteem, M/M, Results of Character Development
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:06:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2013912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Song_to_Say_Goodbye/pseuds/A_Song_to_Say_Goodbye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If I asked you to, would you run away with me?" one boy asks the other. The second boy grins at him and says, "Of course."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fey

"Will you run away with me?" Red asks.

They're standing in front of the gym,  _his_  gym, because Green is a gym leader now and he has responsibilities. Red's eyes shine like the Red Orb, only they awaken nothing but a deep sense of discomfort within Green.

Somewhere inside of him (somewhere that he had buried, quashing the rising doubts like it's a Whack-A-Furret game at a carnival, only this is far more serious than a game), Green had known this was coming. Red has never been comfortable with being Champion, he likes quiet and wilderness and adventure. He wasn't in this for the fame, it was always for the pure joy of Pokemon training. But now there is no more challenge left, he is the strongest, so he wants to go away, run away, find a new distant place where he is nobody among all the giants.

And he wants Green to go with him.

Green's first impulse is to say  _Yes_. But he bites his tongue, bites back the instinct, because he knows he is rash and impulsive and he has to think things  _through_  before agreeing. If he doesn't, he consigns himself to recklessness and regret, and perhaps eventually, doom.

Or maybe his doom is already upon him.

Green lets out a deep breath and looks at Red, who is staring at him with hopeful crimson eyes and hasn't stopped. His heart is heavy and he wouldn't mind if Arceus struck him dead right this instant, because he knows that whatever he chooses, he's going to be broken by the end of today.

Apparently, Red mistakes his silence for thoughtfulness. "I asked when we were little, and you said you would come," he continues, as if it's the easiest thing in the world to just up and leave. And Green does vaguely remember this moment, somewhere far back in the yawning gap he calls memory.

Still, even if he said yes as a kid, that was back then, before Green was Gym leader and Red was Champion. Back when there was no such thing as responsibility, when adulthood was merely a far-off dream, and he had no idea what he was agreeing to. But Christ, Red still takes it seriously, doesn't he? He still believes that everything holds true, he still believes that Green will keep his promise. His faith in Green is unwavering and a little unnerving, something that he can never even hope to live up to it.

Well, that's what you get when you fall in love with Green Oak. Nothing but disappointment.

Neither of them has actually confessed to the other—Green is too proud, Red too shy—but they both know it all the same. And, Green supposes, this is why Red is asking him. This is why Red insists on waiting and hoping while he unknowingly rips Green's heart into tatters.

Yes, he is nothing but shreds now—but then, Red has always been able to do this to him, reduce him to fragments of something light as paper, that can be blown away by the softest of breezes. He used to think this was a sign of weakness, and now he thinks maybe old him was right, because it's causing him nothing but trouble.

He never thought he'd say this, but Green wishes he was back to his old self. Then he was selfish and knew nothing of duty; the answer was always whatever made him happy. And if he's like that again, then the answer's clear, isn't it?

"I don't want us to be separated again," Red is saying, and Green musters up a smile and pretends to be surprised and pleased at the thought. Inside, he's thinking,  _That's actually a good idea_ , because the last time they separated, they became rivals, and then, for a brief period in time, he had hated Red. He doesn't want to repeat that. Never again. Especially now that he knows he loves Red, maybe loved him all along.

"And think about it," Red continues. He's getting excited now, his eyes bright and happy. "We'll be together, just the two of us!"

But that's one of the problems, really because Green hears that all the troubles in a relationship tend to come to the surface when you live together, and he already knows there are many. He can see the cracks spread even as they try desperately to mend them, like a tidal wave that overrides all your defenses.

That's their relationship in a nutshell, actually. Loving Red is like a hurricane; it's fierce and powerful and bowls him over with its force. Green has wasted a lot of time hating this fact. Yet, in its own way, it's beautiful.

But hurricanes are nevertheless holocaustic.

Green is not stupid. He knows that Red is asking him to give up everything for love. And he knows it happens that way in all the stories he pretends he doesn't read, but those stories are ridiculous—how can you abandon everything, even for love? Because even if you're in love with one person, you must love your family and friends too, and when all the weight of those other loves and obligations are piled onto each other, they must be heavier than your love for that one person, no matter how special they are. You cannot give up the world for your beloved, because there must be something else in there that's precious to you too. Unless you're a Buddhist monk or something, but even they aren't supposed to give up what little they have for the sake of a single person. They are supposed to stay and refrain and deprive themselves of even that much so they can achieve enlightenment.

It's a tug of war, only there're more people on the world's side, and their combined forces can overwhelm Red even if he's stronger than all the rest. Green's only the poor rope being yanked and jerked mercilessly, so worn down and knotted that he's useless for anything but this game. And of course, no one realizes that the rope might feel something, anything, so they continue pulling and pulling until he snaps.

They'll mourn him once the rope breaks, but not before, because they don't see the pain he's in. The danger he's in. He's falling off a cliff, and the only thing holding him there is his grip on a tree root. Sooner or later, his hand will slip, and then Green has no choice but to plummet. There's no sink or swim, he can only sink, so death is imminent, the grim reaper is waiting just around the corner, and the one thing he can choose is how to die. Try vainly to stay afloat and drown of exhaustion, or just give in and let yourself sink down into the depths of the ocean.

There is no way to stop this from happening. He can put it off, not answer Red, but eventually everything must come to an end. He can try to get it over with, he supposes, if he responds now. Perhaps it is foolish to invite the reaper into your home, but in the end, it might be the less painful death. And besides, the reaper is almost welcome to him; he and Green are old friends by now. He's died a thousand times over and each time he resurrects he loses a part of his whole.

Sometimes it's for the better. His cockiness certainly won't be missed. But it always hurts.

The look on Red's face is begging Green to come with him. And Green really wants to, because he loves Red, and the hero always chooses love in the end, and God, he wants so badly to be a hero for once. When he was little, he thought he was the hero, but it turned out to be Red all along, and he was only the archrival, someone who verged on the border of evil.

And today, he's going to break at least one other person's heart again, along with his own. Why does he always have to be the villain?

Perhaps this is the price he has to pay for loving.

"Please, Green," Red says. "The League will manage without you and me, and Daisy and Professor Oak will be fine—you know that. But I need you." He takes one of Green's hands in both of his and grips it tightly. "Please."

.

.

.

_They're five years old and playing in the forest. They have no Pokemon, nothing but themselves and their dreams. They're innocent and happy and the best of friends; they're invincible and immortal and nothing can touch them._

_"Hey, Green?" Red says._

_"Yeah?"_

_"If I asked you to, would you run away with me?" Red asks, his eyes bright and curious and a little shy, like he's afraid of the answer he might get._

_Green grins and grabs Red's hand in his. "Don't ask something so stupid," he says. "Of course."_

.

.

.

_Will you run away with me?_

He wants to, he really does, but who's to say it won't turn out disastrously? Their relationship has already dissolved once, and this not even in stressful conditions of a foreign land. They'd be together too, not even travelling separately, and whatever they have between them will almost certainly fall apart, won't it? Shatter and crumble to dust like a dried-out husk. Then they'll have to return home, to the angry stares and upset friends, and everything that he worked for, tried for, all his progress in getting people to see past the old Green Oak—all of that will be undone. He'll be back to being the immature brat who couldn't handle Red's (inevitable) victories. And his family will hate him, Red will hate him, everyone will hate him—

All his mind is a confused blur, his thoughts bleed into each other in a jumbled mess.

He loves Red, he really does—

—but he loves his friends and his family too—

And how could he ever leave them? They'd be so disappointed—

—But Red will be too, if he says no—

Oh god, his mind is a mess, and he can't even tell right from left—

—Nor right from wrong

What is the right thing to do in this situation? He needs someone to tell him.

Be happy, and go? Be responsible, and stay?

His grandfather was finally starting to respect him in his own right—

—Daisy would be so worried, he doesn't want to upset Daisy—

He has a gym to run. He can't just up and leave

—the people of Viridian are starting to trust him, respect him, love him—

—but how can he disappoint Red? Red who's looking at him with those eyes, those trusting, unwavering, believing eyes, and God, he loves him—

He agreed to responsibilities when he became gym leader . . . he was so determined to follow through for once . . .

No, not just determined to,  _will_

But he can't do this to Red; he can't hurt him like that. Especially since he was the one who severed their old friendship. He's caused Red enough pain; Green can't make the first move this time . . .

Green draws in a deep breath for the second time, knowing that he has reached an impasse again. He closes his eyes for a moment and digs deep down for the answer, which he finds buried in his heart, where it has been all along, untouched but not unnoticed. Even though he's spent so much time agonizing over this whole mess, there's only one real option, one thing he can say. And really, he knew it from the beginning.

He raises his head and utters the pronouncement that will bring the reaper down on him.

"No."

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I've written something at least. I think I might've actually regressed and lost what little skill I had, but this is a start.
> 
> So, anyways, a few points:
> 
> I think love stories in which someone gives up everything for their "one true love" are stupid. Not unless it turns out their entire life was a lie, their life sucked to begin with, or they just experienced extreme emotional trauma and are still recovering from the shock.
> 
> I'm not sure I got the Buddhism right, but I think you're not supposed to value material possessions and whatnot. As I recall, Buddha himself went off to be a hermit for a while. But if I got it wrong, please correct me and I'll try to fix it or, if that doesn't work at all, I'll scrap it altogether.
> 
> The ending's strange. It's an idea I had a few days ago and I'm not sure if it worked at all. Please tell me if it was too stupid, I don't want to embarrass myself in the same way twice.
> 
> Green's statement about his thoughts being a jumbled-up mess fit my thoughts about this story perfectly. I don't even know what's happening after a certain point. It's probably incoherent, and if so, apologies, because I've read this over so many times now that even after taking a two hour break, I still can't tell where it stops making sense.
> 
> If anyone can guess what inspired the name of this story and why I chose that name, you will earn my undying respect.


End file.
